> Shrouded in darkness;

~~Thursday, January 31, 2008~~

9:20 PM

how i wish i could grow wings

fly away and hide from everything.

i'm smiling yet crying,

i say i had a dream but it's a nightmare,

i look serious but i'm just another fool out there

everything is just an illusion

life is definitely painful

just counting the number of secrets that

ppl have told me about their darkest fears..

makes me see how scary the world is

why so many ppl have such frightening fears

it really upsets me..

no matter how childish it sounds..

it's not something to be laughed at.

even adults are vulnerable sometimes..

seen too many of this fears coming true..

felt one become real and it sucks.

you're more to me than what i know how to say

how great i picture you to be is undescribable.

the times i could easily smile thru everything,

everyday, i'm missing it..

for it's such a chore everyday now..

nothing seems to be alright,

nothing seems to be the same anymore..

i love your smile :)

~~Monday, January 28, 2008~~

10:40 PM

I need rest.. true rest..

so tiring just thinking about it

a day when i get my rest will never come..

'cos every now and then it will resurface

into my mind thru weakness.

a few nights ago i had a dream or maybe

a nightmare.. of cos everyone can guess

what's it about.. and i woke up crying..

scary ain't it? i don't deserve any pity,

i brought this upon myself.. that's what i feel

my mind is going mad..

can't stop torturing myself..

or can't bear to cut all links with ..

happiness is but a dream,

总有一天我要属于我的天..

even though it's impossible, i'll keep dreaming

smiling thru the day with a bleeding heart

i love your smile :)

~~Sunday, January 27, 2008~~

10:38 PM

lol! go out again today :X

bought 2 tees for $26 and 1 belt $19..

then also play arcade xDD..

learn to play manual for the up and down

one.. daytona type dunno yet.. 1234

at least can play outrun and initial D xD

pls pull me out on weekends =DD

don't wan to idle at home..

bad bad.. all can guess one wad happens =\\

love eating at jap restaurants sia! ^^

everything comes with a price.

i paid my part, what did i get in return?

guess things don't go as i'd planned it would.

it's always about requirements,

whether you fulfil it or not..

i love your smile :)

~~Saturday, January 26, 2008~~

11:09 PM

wow what a tiring day lol..

play basketball .. go chem lessosn..

play basketball again.. go meet up with

tuition classmate's classmates/frens

TRIED to play pool (me noob) haha.

then went walking around bugis street..

WOW so crowded as always -.-

@!$!#%^ hell, $30 for skinnies,

they told me not to buy, go peninsula buy

cheaper, so don't buy lor xD

eat at some japanese restaurant..

something like sakae sushi and genki sushi

den when i go home.. damn i took

wrong side mrt -.- play phone tetris until

take wrong side zzz...

but overall.. i had fun!

and that's all that matters. thanks jane!

don't cry because it's over..

smile because it happened (:

no point in my pushing against an untouchable

and unfeeling wall

no point in staying stuck,

trying to move it to tears.

if it's meant to be, leave it be.

i love your smile :)

~~Friday, January 25, 2008~~

10:45 PM

weakness.. all that's stopping me from

attaining success are all my weaknesses..

why do i keep opening up my wounds when it's

healing, why do i keep torturing myself

over the past? why does my mind

keep wanting to look back at the past?!

why do all good things come to an end..

to be loved, i don't deserve

ran my whole life in the ground

and i can't, i can't get up when you're gone

i feel so broken up, feel like giving up

let the rain fall down and wake my dreams

let it wash away my sanity.

i love your smile :)

~~Thursday, January 24, 2008~~

8:15 PM

oo yeah! sch end at 1.10pm becos of O's

results collection but oso no difference -_-..

got chinese common test at 2.15pm zzz!

why can't earlier sia..

it was damn hard -.- heng teacher got

give 5 mins extra even tho already given

1 hour 30 mins x.x

looked at the top 10 scorers in express for my sch

all except 1 from 4SA '07 batch! u know what

that means? i must see my name up there

when i collect my O's results =X

gambateh kudasai! xDD

but quite scary to see how many A1s and A2s they

had only.. wonder if i can do it >.>"

get 4 A1 and 1 A2 happy already xD! haha

it's nice to know that you were there

thanks for acting like you cared

and making me feel like I was the only one

it's nice to know we had it all

thanks for watching as I fall

and letting me know we were done

it's a damn cold night

trying to figure out this life

all the pain I thought I knew

all the thoughts lead back to you

back to what was never said

back and forth inside my head

you wiped my tears, got rid of all my fears,

why did you have to go?

i love your smile :)

~~Wednesday, January 23, 2008~~

5:41 PM

my thoughts and feelings

as of now..

我已经不能做什么事了

如果她真的找到她爱的人

我没有什么话说.. ,

只能认我没有值什么东西的命.

我只好放下所有的希望和愿望.

leave me to rot, forget my misery
i'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life
i never stray too far from the sidewalk
i learned to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt
i try my hardest just to forget everything
i don't know how to let anyone else in
i find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me
because of you, i am afraid

i love your smile :)

~~Tuesday, January 22, 2008~~

10:01 PM

do i overdo things sometimes?

am i being unreasonable?

im taking things too hard on myself..

i think for others more than myself,

i try my best to help anyone who needs

help.. eventually hoping that i'll

receive the same back one day..

what i find most interesting to do nowadays

is looking back into my life, remembering

the happy and sad times i had.

listening to music stirs up my thoughts

somehow some lyrics explain what we

all had gone through before.

nth's more enjoyable than reflecting on

these lyrics to me. although i know what i'm

doing is just adding salt to my wound.

the same stubborness i had, i showed..

still resides within me, unchanged.

how some things really create such an impact

on our lives and sometimes,

causes us to change.

plain life, colourful dreams.

i told you everything

opened up and let you in

you made me feel alright

for once in my life

now all that's left of me

is what i pretend to be

so together, but so broken up inside

seeing you it kills me now

no, i don't cry on the outside anymore...

i love your smile :)

~~Monday, January 21, 2008~~

9:17 PM

haa! a slacky day at sch! xD

no homework i GUESS.. *unsure*

omg.. whole class has to go for remedials

for 4 subjects!! A.maths, physics, chemistry

and chinese! omgomgomg.. become busy alr

today's hall assembly so lame.. had some

TOUCH youth guy come to talk about..

INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY..

don't get excited =X cfm can imagine

how everyone start teasing each other right?

kakakaka.. end school at 3pm today -.-..

physics teacher release us late instead of

2.20pm becos of that hall assembly lah!

end so late!

haah! finished learning how to play the

accompaniment of when you're gone by avril lavigne

=DD just need to practice more !

goodluck to me for tmr's bio test .

you came into my life and took a part of my heart,

but you simply just left leaving me broken inside..

leave me alone to face my own reality..

i guess you didn't need my love and care >

even though you claimed that i'm so good already.

i love your smile :)

12:15 PM

haah..someone gave me

a gift tis morning! tks! (:

woo.. feeling tired today hheh.

prolly cos of being out for 2 days but

nevertheless, it was well-spent!

have been thinking about wad u guys

had said to me thus far, mayb i just

shudn't think too much into it.

it is thru frens that i gain hope and strength

to carry on, motivate me to work towards

my goals! yep! sry if my actions are

contradicting what i wrote in my blog,

just need some more time ye!

i shudn't let such a thing drag me down so

much. Afterall, i know God has a plan for me,

such an event is yet another obstacle

i have to cross and it's just

not worth dwelling upon.

im glad to have met some

people and made friends with .

dont let the world decieve you into

believing that doing some things is shameful

it's all about perspective, nothing else

if you had a choice.. ,

would you have chosen to have met me?

if we could return to the past,

i wouldn't let go of your hand..

i love your smile :)

~~Sunday, January 20, 2008~~

3:50 PM

woo had a fun time yesterday
evening/night and today!
went to some cell group(church group)
and made new frens yeah?
i so bad sia xD call a jc2 girl mei cos
she shorter than me :X paiseh
some girl asked me to take off my shoe
and we had our shoes swapped ..
wearing 2 diff shoes =\ heng onli walk
short distance last night .
today morning chem extra lessons -.-
all go just to fulfill our 2 hours zzz
2 hour ki siao in class, do nothing
sad.. KFC removed buddy meal =\
want eat with fren but dun haf.. HAIs..
then went to his church watch them jam
and do some homework >.>"
then had to rush down to grandma's
brithday dinner but in the end.. -.-
i'm the first there and had to wait for
40 mins still zzz diao
i haven't been smsing or talking to HER
for quite sometime.. wonder wad will
she think or react.. but as some ppl said
don't live in the past :D move on nic!
u have new frens now! old frens u're not
neglected xP we still have a long year ahead
lots of opportunities to meet up ye?
here's a pic of the shoes.. mine's the adidas heh (:

What goes around comes around in the end,

it takes you down and you're never gonna stop it.

the deepest wounds are self-inflicted,

and i chose not to hurt myself any further

i love your smile :)

~~Friday, January 18, 2008~~

4:01 PM

being random..

If you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

'Cause your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along..

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone

The words I need to hear

to always get me through the day

and make it okay

I miss you

I've never felt this way before

Everything that I do reminds me of you

I love the things that you do

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I'd do,

I'd give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe

I need to feel you here with me

And I've completely lost myself,

and I don't mind.

I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely.

Now I can't let go of this dream.

Can't believe that I feel...Good enough,

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.

Pour real life down on me.

'Cause I can't hold on to

anything this good enough.

Am I good enough for you to love me too?

I can feel the night beginning.

Separate me from the living.

Understanding me,

After all I've seen.

Piecing every thought together,

Find the words to make me better.

If I only knew how to pull myself apart.

I believe that dreams are sacred.

Take my darkest fears and play them

Like a lullaby,

Like a reason why,

Like a play of my obsessions,

Make me understand the lesson,

So I'll find myself,

So I won't be lost again.

i love your smile :)

1:26 PM

dam funny today..

suppose to do self-made notes

for Social Studies chapter 2 everything

but i only did 1 page(double sides) ..

but i so smart sia xD i tear 4 empty paper

and staple it to the back woot !

*pats nic on shoulder, welldone!*

teacher really didn't catch me wahahaha

other than that, guess the rest of the day

was pretty normal, do physics practical

and learning new chapter for maths.

hah! lucky didn't go ngee ann poly

open hse.. ppl told me that it was

DAMN crowded. sure lah so many schools xD

hohoho..my feet still looks the same

blue and black LOL.

still waiting for my very own fairytale..

unlikely to exist at all..

letting go is like a thousand

stabs &

being reminded of its past is like

a thousand pricks to my heart

i love your smile :)

~~Thursday, January 17, 2008~~

2:35 PM

Yet another rushing day..

quite alot of homework zz..

record breaker huh..

7th time sprainining right ankle.

physics teacher told a few jokes

here and there, else it'll be BORING.

it's wed and thr's badminton practice!

too bad i baika or else i would be

tiring myself out while having fun.

-.- nearly fainted when i realised

that my right foot had such a big

blue-black at ankle area when

i was showering, abit er xin

hah! didn't rmb someone's bday

but i still wished him in the evening

=pp not too late right?

rushed my chinese hw..

bao zhang bao dao about school life

since primary why some students feel

that thr's nth enjoyable.

nice topic to reflect on huh?

espiecially someone like me who had

lot's of events going on lately =\

looks like im not gg to the ngee ann

poly open hse hah! definitely will

go for singapore and temasek poly's.

life is about accepting the

criticism ppl made..

i love your smile :)

~~Wednesday, January 16, 2008~~

6:50 AM

ohno.. -.- bio test next tues

during PE today.. we played

handball !

so fun yeh but in return..

SPRAINED my ankle when

i "switch step" =(

ohwells.. it was a

VERY normal sch day again..

no exciting events

or happenings

feel the stress coming yet?

NO. =pp ~relax~

im still deciding whether

to go to ngee ann poly's

open house this thurs still sia..

going home from thr quite

difficult >"<

to those who've been with me,

helping me through that period

of darkness.. nic's back! thks.

these wounds won't seem to heal

this pain is just too real

there's just too much that time cannot erase

i love your smile :)

~~Tuesday, January 15, 2008~~

12:48 PM

woo..lots of weekend homework but

managed to rush thru em all at school today x]

sadly.. didn't reli study for physics test BUT

it was easy yeh =X

has seaweed shakers fries disappeared from mac?

been gettin twister fries for every SSFries upsize i ask for >.>

i guess everyone has adjusted back to lame school life alr,

how we wish it was still hols ye? =\

btw, if anyone wants to meet up for some wkend fun

OR needs help on Maths/science O's..

feel free to ask me out =]

willing to help anytime in the wkends

friends don't stab u in the back,

they stab u directly in the front,

where ur heart is.

i love your smile :)

~~Monday, January 14, 2008~~

1:57 AM

Kakakaka.. Revival of nicholas's blog-
why the sudden interest? dunch know. dunch ask.
finally moving on to 3rd wk of sch.. patheticly slow.
guys.. enjoy my blog! =X

tryin to throw away my sadness

& remember good times..

i love your smile :)